Participating Well (Even When You're Not Facilitating) and Succeeding Remotely
Participating is a skill in its own right
We train people to facilitate, rarely to participate. That's a mistake: most of the time you are not the facilitator, and your influence depends on how you intervene. Participating well means contributing without monopolizing, being clear without being long, and moving the group forward rather than shining alone.
Intervening with impact: the "point first" rule
The most common mistake in meetings is to unfold the reasoning before the conclusion. But attention is highest at the start. Reverse the order: state your point, then justify it. This is the principle of Barbara Minto's pyramid (the pyramid principle): conclusion first, arguments after.
| Don't say | Say |
|---|---|
| "So, actually, there are several things, first the market, then…" | "I recommend option A. Three reasons: cost, time, risk." |
| "I have a small remark, it's maybe silly…" | "One point of caution: the deadline seems unrealistic." |
Note the second example: avoid self-deprecating phrases ("it's maybe silly," "just my two cents") that sabotage your credibility before the content even lands.
Listen actively and build on it
Participating also means listening. The best contributors build on others' ideas rather than ignoring them: "Extending what Karim said…". This technique, the "yes, and…" (borrowed from improv theater), advances the discussion instead of fragmenting it into parallel monologues.
Defusing tension without being the facilitator
Even as a plain participant, you can regulate: paraphrase to soothe ("if I understand, you're both saying that…"), bring things back to the objective ("we were trying to decide X, right?"), or hand over the floor ("I haven't heard Sofia's view"). These micro-moves have a disproportionate effect on the climate.
Remote meetings: a different mode of communication
Video conferencing is not an in-person meeting on camera: it is an impoverished channel that demands compensation. Jeremy Bailenson's research (Stanford, 2021) on "Zoom fatigue" identifies four specific causes of fatigue:
| Cause (Bailenson) | Mechanism | Remedy |
|---|---|---|
| Excessive eye contact | All faces, close up, staring | Shrink the window, sit back |
| Seeing yourself constantly | Exhausting self-monitoring | Hide your own tile |
| Reduced mobility | Staying framed, still | Camera farther away, stand up |
| Higher cognitive load | Sending/reading non-verbals is harder | Camera off when not needed |
Beyond fatigue, remote communication imposes rules: verbalize listening signals (a nod reads poorly), name the person before giving them the floor ("Léa, over to you"), respect one conversation at a time (audio overlap is unmanageable), and use the chat for turn-taking and links. Silence is even more uncomfortable than in person: let it exist.
Hybrid meetings: equity above all
The trap of hybrid meetings (some in the room, others remote) is asymmetry: those present dominate, the remote ones become spectators. Compensate by appointing a "remote advocate" who ensures they get the floor, or by asking everyone to connect individually to restore equality.
Practical exercise
At your next intervention in a meeting, apply the point first rule: first sentence = your conclusion, then at most three arguments. Time yourself: aim for under 60 seconds. Then ask a colleague whether your message was clear.
Summary
- Participating is a skill: contribute without monopolizing, clear and short.
- State the point first, the arguments after (Minto's pyramid principle) and ban self-deprecating phrases.
- Build on others' ideas with "yes, and…" rather than stacking monologues.
- Video is an impoverished channel: counter Zoom fatigue (Bailenson) and verbalize more.
- In hybrid settings, actively fight the in-room/remote asymmetry.