The Power of Questions
We often start a difficult conversation by searching for the right thing to say. That's a mistake. The skill that changes everything is not the art of asserting, but the art of asking. A good question opens up space; a statement closes it. The person who knows how to ask learns, understands the other, and — a useful paradox — is often seen as more competent and more likeable than the one who does the talking.
"We live in a culture of telling when the situation calls for asking." — Edgar Schein, Humble Inquiry (2013)
Why we ask too few questions
The organizational psychologist Edgar Schein (MIT) calls humble inquiry the art of asking questions to which you don't already know the answer, out of genuine curiosity. He observes that our organizations reward the person who asserts, advises and decides far more than the one who inquires. The result: we ask fake questions (disguised as advice or reproach) and we miss the information we'd need to decide well.
Asking requires acknowledging, at least for a moment, that the other person knows something I don't. It's an act of humility — hence the term. And that's exactly what makes it rare and powerful.
What the research shows
Far from being a detail, asking questions has measurable effects. A study by Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson and Gino (Harvard, 2017, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) analyzed hundreds of conversations: people who asked more follow-up questions (prompts that build on what the other person just said) were rated as more likeable by their conversation partner. A follow-up question signals that you listened and want to know more.
| Common belief | What research shows |
|---|---|
| "Talking about myself makes me interesting" | Asking about the other person increases perceived likeability |
| "Asking questions makes me look ignorant" | Asking relevant questions is associated with higher perceived competence |
| "One good question is enough" | It's mainly follow-up questions that build connection |
Three functions of a question
A question doesn't just gather information. It plays at least three roles:
flowchart LR
Q["A good<br/>question"] --> I["Inform<br/>(get facts)"]
Q --> R["Connect<br/>(show interest)"]
Q --> P["Make think<br/>(prompt reflection)"]
The inform function is the most obvious. The connect function is social: "how are you experiencing this?" builds rapport. The make-think function is the most powerful in management and sales: a well-framed question leads the other person to reach a conclusion themselves — which they will then defend far better than one imposed on them.
Say / don't say
- Don't say: "You should have followed up with the client earlier, right?" (fake question = disguised reproach, closes the exchange)
- Say: "What stopped you from following up with the client this week?" (real open question, opens up information and dialogue)
The difference isn't cosmetic: the first seeks to be right, the second seeks to understand.
Practical exercise
In your next conversation, set yourself a rule: before giving your opinion, ask at least two sincere questions about the other person's point of view. Notice what changes — in the information you obtain, and in the quality of the exchange.
Summary
The master communication skill is not the art of telling but the art of asking. Edgar Schein calls this sincere questioning humble inquiry — rare because it requires admitting that the other person knows something you don't. The research by Huang et al. (2017) shows that asking follow-up questions increases perceived likeability. A good question serves three functions: inform, connect, and make think. And the decisive line separates the real question (which opens) from the fake question (a disguised reproach or advice, which closes).